There’s a kind of exhaustion I see so often…​
​ And I’ve felt it too.

The kind that doesn’t just come from doing too much—
But from carrying something that was never yours to begin with.

For a long time, I believed something was wrong with me.

Why am I reacting like this?
Why can’t I just handle this better?
Why does this feel so big?

And when the answers didn’t come…

I filled in the blank with shame,

Not only is something wrong with me,

But I am “the something wrong’,

Me….all of me…

Maybe you’ve felt that too.

I want to offer something gently here.

Your compliance…
Your over-accommodating…
Your “I’m fine”…
Your ability to read the room and adjust…

That was not a character flaw.

That was your nervous system doing something incredibly intelligent.

It was helping you stay connected,
Stay safe,
Stay in something you couldn’t leave, couldn’t fight, couldn’t fully name.

And sometimes…
The systems around you—​
Family systems, medical systems, relational systems, church or community systems—
​ They didn’t see you clearly.

They didn’t have the language for what you were experiencing.​
They didn’t understand the way your body was responding.

And so you may have been labeled…
​ Too sensitive.
Too emotional.
Too much.
Or not enough.

Or… the easy one.
The low-maintenance one.
The strong one who could handle it all.
The one who didn’t need anything.

And that part can get confusing.

Because some of those labels don’t even sound negative.

Being “easy.”
Being “strong.”

Those might have been the very ways you stayed connected…
The ways you stayed included, safe, or even loved.

But underneath all of that…​
There may have been needs that never got to exist.​
​ Emotions that didn’t have space.​
A body that learned to override itself.

And here’s something I care deeply about:

This is not about blaming those systems.​
It is about seeing them clearly for the experiences you had within them…
And recognizing how those experiences shaped what you came to believe about yourself.

And from that place…
No longer carrying what they placed on you.

Because when something isn’t understood,
It often gets misnamed.

And when it’s misnamed long enough…
We start to believe it.

We take it in as identity.​
We organize around it.
We try to fix ourselves inside of it.

But what if…

What if the problem was never you—​
​ But the lens you were seen through?

What if your body wasn’t broken…
But responding exactly how it needed to?

What if the shame you’ve been carrying
Was never yours to hold?

There is a different kind of “no” available here.

Not the loud, confrontational kind.

But a strong, steady one that sounds like:

“No… I’m not taking that story with me anymore.”
“No… I’m not calling this a flaw.”
“No… I’m not making my nervous system wrong for protecting me.”
“No… I’m not abandoning my needs just to stay the ‘easy’ or ‘strong’ one, or become the 'less emotional' or 'less sensitive' one."

And if it feels hard to let that go…​
That makes sense.

Because your system learned those roles for a reason.

So instead of forcing it away,
You might try this practice:

First - Start Somatically - Place a hand on your body—your heart, your belly, wherever feels supportive.

And gently notice…

What happens inside when you hear:

“This was never mine to carry.”

Do you feel softening?
Tightening?
Nothing at all?

All of that is welcome.

If you notice softening, you might stay with that…
Maybe wrap your arms around yourself in a gentle hug,
​ or add a soft sound like a hum or “Ooomm” and feel the vibration in your body.

If you notice tightening, you don’t have to push it away.
You might gently shake your hands or body,
or sweep your hands along your arms or legs to create a little space.
Or, if it feels supportive to move into it,​
you could make a fist, tighten it slowly… and then fully release and open your hand,
letting your body feel the difference between holding and letting go.

If you don’t notice much at all,​
you might gently wake up your senses.​
Look around and find 3 things you can see,​
3 things you can hear,​
and 3 things you can touch.

Then, you can come back and ask again…

“This was never mine to carry.”

And if it still feels quiet inside, that’s ok, your body might be asking for more embodied awareness,
​ you might bring your attention to your breath—​
offering a slow 3–4 count inhale,
and a 3–4 count exhale.

This is the kind of courage I invite you into…

Not pushing yourself to change faster.
Not proving anything.

But slowly, safely,
Beginning to release what was never yours…

And returning to what is.

If this is something you’re exploring right now,
You don’t have to do it alone.

In my work, we don’t just talk about these patterns or embodied exercises—
We actually do them together and we learn how to feel them in the body,​
So things can actually begin to shift.

If you’d like support, you can reply to this email
or schedule a free 30-minute chat with me.​

We’ll go at your pace.

You’re not broken.
You were adapting.

And you get to choose, gently and in your own time,
What you carry forward from here.

Remember, ❤️

You Matter. Your Healing Matters. You Are Worth It!

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