Over the last five months, I've been living with a level of back pain that has changed almost every part of my life. I can't hike. I can't run. I can't bike. I can't raft. I can't do many of the things that have always helped me feel like...me. I also haven't been able to stand for long periods of time, sit comfortably, make dinner, shower without pain, or do many of the ordinary, everyday things I've always taken for granted. I know many of you reading this live with chronic pain. While I...
8 days ago • 5 min read
There was a moment during a bodywork session this week that I haven't been able to stop thinking about. I was receiving osteopathic manipulation while my *friend and *colleague was gently working with the fascia around my pelvis. As she began, she quietly said, "Your pelvis feels incredibly tight. It almost doesn't want to move." She knows my trauma history, so she gently added, "That makes sense. Those parts of you probably haven't felt safe." The moment she said those words, something...
16 days ago • 3 min read
I've needed a lot of this lately — a safe place to fall apart. Not a place to fix anything. Not a place to be coached, corrected, or cheered up. Just a place where my fear can be spoken out loud, and..... Nothing bad would happen because of it. I'm so grateful I've had a few of those spaces recently. I keep thinking about how rare they sometimes are. And I want to share some reasons why I feel they have a beautiful, messy place as we are healing. A safe place to fall apart doesn't give...
23 days ago • 2 min read
Lately, I've been experiencing a lot of physical pain in my body. It's slowed me down in ways I didn't choose and has kept me from many of the things I normally do. As I've been seeking to listen to what my body is asking for, a one of the questions (there have been many ...) I've been sitting with is: What does rest actually feel like in my body? Not what I think rest should feel like. (This has personally been hard for me to set down).Not what someone else says it should feel like. But what...
about 1 month ago • 3 min read
This month, I want to explore a concept that has been foundational in my own healing journey and in the work I do with clients: Felt Sense. If you've been around somatic healing for a while, you might have heard that phrase before. But when I first heard it, I had no idea what it meant. What I did know was: I had spent most of my life disconnected from my body. Which is interesting because, from the outside, it looked like I lived in my body all the time. I was active. I hiked. I biked. I...
about 2 months ago • 3 min read
I read this on Nate Postlewait’s stubstack this week and have been thinking about it ever since: “Instead of telling someone how strong they are because of the traumatic events they went through… ask them what it cost them.” That statement resonated with me…. Because trauma costs people many things.And every person’s list is different. One of the things on my list…one things I know it cost me…was living in my body. Now, if you had looked at my life from the outside, it may not have seemed...
about 2 months ago • 3 min read
There are three phases of trauma healing that I often talk about in my work. Safety.Turning towards.And release Healing does not happen in a straight line… so these are not in order… In fact, I have found that these phases tend to weave in and out of each other over and over again. Recently, I’ve been thinking a lot about the turning towards phase. I’ve been reflecting on some of my own “turning toward” moments and noticing how naturally my system wants to resist, avoid, shut down, or feel...
2 months ago • 3 min read
There’s a difference between knowing you have a body…and actually living inside of it. For a long time, I didn’t understand that difference. I knew I had a body in the practical sense.A body that carried groceries.A body that hiked trails.A body that held babies.A body that showed up for responsibilities. But underneath all of that…I was often surviving through my body more than living in it. My body felt like something I managed.Something that reacted.Something that exhausted me.Something I...
2 months ago • 2 min read
There’s something I’ve been working through lately. While I’m grateful that so much of the intense trauma I once experienced has already moved through my system, I also know there was a whole identity and way of living created while I was disconnected from myself. A life built in survival.In coping.In protecting.In adapting. And doing healing work doesn’t magically erase all of that overnight. (Sigh...I want that sometimes....) There are still patterns to notice.Thoughts to untangle.Behaviors...
3 months ago • 2 min read