This month we’ve been exploring connection without collapse or flooding —
staying connected to others without abandoning ourselves or becoming overwhelmed inside.

With Valentine’s / Galentine’s last week, my body brought something to my attention I hadn’t anticipated.

However you celebrate — or don’t celebrate — this holiday…
Whether it feels sweet, commercial, lonely, joyful, neutral, or complicated…

I see you.​
Your experience matters.
And whatever it stirred in you has something to tell you.

For me this year, in the middle of being loved well by friends and my husband, I noticed something in my body.

It was resistance. Not dramatic or loud — just a shift that made something feel 'off' in me.

A subtle tightening in my chest.
A slight urge to deflect.
A small pulling inward at my heart center.

So instead of overriding it, I did what I teach — and invited myself to get curious.

I asked my body.
I journaled.

And what surfaced was:

When your first heartbreak is from your parents…
It’s hard to believe you are meant to be treated or loved well.

This hit me with a deep sense of “This, this is true for me” in my body and throughout my whole system...and so many things suddenly made sense.

If the people who were meant to protect you misunderstood you…
Ignored you…
Needed you to be smaller…
Told you to be less emotional — or not emotional at all…
Expected you to manage their feelings or the feelings of the whole family…
Or weren’t safe for your tenderness…

Then your nervous system learned something very early:

Love can hurt.​
​ Connection requires adjusting.
Needs are risky.

So when goodness arrives now —
Even in a healthy marriage.
Even with safe friends —

Your body might brace.
It might flood, or do something else....

You might:

• Pull inward and shrink
• Feel suddenly emotional and overwhelmed
• Overthink everything that was said
• Feel a surge of intensity you can’t explain

Not because you don’t want love.
But because a younger part remembers something different.
And she doesn’t yet believe love can come without conditions — so receiving it feels unsafe.

When a Younger Part Is Asking to Be Seen

Younger parts show up in conflict and....

They show up when:

• You minimize a compliment
• You feel uneasy receiving care
• You over-give to “earn” connection
• You fawn to keep the peace
• You shut down when someone is kind
• You feel unexpectedly emotional and can’t quite name why

Connection begins in noticing the internal wave and staying with yourself through it.

That resistance I felt?
It was a younger part asking,
“Is this safe?”

Inner Child Healing Through the Body

When a younger part is activated, it isn’t just a thought.

It’s a body state.

Maybe your:

• Breath gets shallow
• Shoulders round forward
• Stomach tightens
• Voice gets smaller or louder
• Chest feels hot
• Tears rise quickly
• Heart races

These are nervous system shifts.

This is why inner child healing must move through the body.

As pioneers like Peter A. Levine and Deb Dana have helped us understand, trauma lives in nervous system states — and so does repair.

And here is something I believe and continue learning:

Play and curiosity are a healing part of this repair. They are not indulgent.

If your younger part never got to feel safe enough to play…
Then reclaiming play is regulation.
Curiosity widens your window of tolerance.
Lightness is medicine.

We don’t heal by forcing ourselves to be “more mature.”
We heal by building capacity so we don’t have to collapse or flood.

One of my clients recently said:

“When I stopped trying to fix the reaction and softened toward the younger part, everything shifted. I didn’t need to collapse anymore. I just needed to acknowledge her.”

That’s connection without collapse or flooding.

A Storywork Tool for This Week

When something stirs you — conflict, unexpected kindness, a feeling that something’s off — I invite you to pause, place a hand on your heart, belly, or forehead, and ask:

“What did this moment remind me of?”

Especially when you feel the wave rising.

Before you shut down.
Before you spiral.
Before you overflow.

What did this remind me of?

Let your body answer first.

Maybe it’s a tone of voice.
Maybe it’s a feeling of being unseen.
Maybe it’s the memory of trying to earn love.

This question creates space between the present moment and the past imprint.

And in that space… choice returns.

If This Resonates

If you recognize younger parts shaping your adult relationships —
And you’re ready to work gently, body-first, at your pace —

​My 1:1 online coaching is where we go deeper.

We map your nervous system patterns.
We build capacity so you can stay present without collapsing or flooding.
We practice interruption and repair without shame.

And for my Flagstaff community —
I’ll be hosting an in-person Somatic & Vagal Masterclass on Monday, March 2nd.

Details are coming soon, but if you’ve been wanting to experience this work in a room together, this will be a beautiful place to start.

You are not too sensitive.
You are not dramatic.
You are not broken.
And you don’t have to be strong, keep bracing or holding it all together to stay connected.

There may be a younger part who learned early that love required you to disappear.

And she is slowly discovering
that connection can feel safe now.

And that safety begins
in the body.

Remember, ❤️

You Matter. Your Healing Matters. You Are Worth It!

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