February’s theme is Connection Without Collapse or Flooding.

And honestly… this is one I am constantly working on….

Because so many of us - me included - want connection so badly —
but the moment we’re with other people, our body starts doing its thing.

Tightening.
Bracing.

Over-riding.
Shutting down.

Disappearing.
Over-functioning.

Turning on.

If that’s you, I invite you to hear this first:

Nothing is wrong with you.

Why Connection Can Feel So Hard After Trauma

For nervous systems shaped by trauma, connection isn’t neutral.

Connection once meant:

• staying small
• staying agreeable
• staying alert
• staying invisible
• or staying “on” for everyone else
• what else would you add?

So now, even with people you love…
​even when nothing bad is happening…
​your body might still move into fight, flight, freeze, or fawn.

Not because you’re broken —
but because your body learned that connection required survival.

And based on what you have experienced - That makes so much sense.

A Gentle Reframe I Come Back To Often

Here’s something I remind myself of again and again:

Connection starts inside the body — not in the conversation.

We’re often taught to focus on:
what to say
how to say it (and what emotion we say it with….)​
how to explain ourselves better

But if your nervous system isn’t feeling safe,
no amount of “right words” or “right emotion” will stop the collapse or the flooding.

Real connection happens when you can stay with yourself
​while being with another.

One client told me the other day:

“I stayed with myself instead of disappearing.”

And another said:

“I didn’t disappear when it got intense — I stayed anchored in myself.”

This is it.
This is the work.

A 90-Second Body Check-In (Before You Engage)

Before responding to a text.
Before a conversation.
Before walking into a space with other people.

I invite you to try this:

Pause for 90 seconds.

Feel where your body is supported —
your feet on the floor, your seat on the chair, your back against something solid.

Then gently notice:

• How is my breath right now?
• What sensations are most obvious?
• Do I feel activated, collapsed, or somewhere in between?

No fixing.
No judging.
No pressure to change anything, it's about noticing....

Then ask softly:
​“What would help me stay with myself right now?”

- Not Change myself right now?…..But STAY with myself right now? -

Sometimes it’s a slower breath.
Sometimes a hand on your chest.
Sometimes choosing not to engage yet.
Sometimes letting yourself take up a little more space.

This is honoring that it’s ok to have the response we have because we also know how to come back home to ourselves before relating and connecting with others.

This is regulating - regulation is the ability to feel and act from all the emotions, sensations and info our body gives us. Moving in and out and trusting the process is the regulation.

What Starts to Shift When You Do This

When your body feels even a little safer:

• You don’t disappear to stay connected
• You don’t override yourself to keep the peace
• You don’t have to perform or manage others

Connection becomes something you can choose —
instead of something that costs you.

And that matters deeply as we heal.

Ways to Practice This With Me

If you’re feeling the pull to practice this in your body (not just read about it), here are a few ways to join me:

🫁 Monday Breathwork Class
11:00 AM @ True North
​914 N San Francisco St., Suite M
A gentle, grounding space to regulate your nervous system and come back to yourself.

🧘‍♀️ Wednesday Yoga Class
11:00 AM @ True North
​Slow, supportive movement focused on safety, sensation, and staying present in your body.

And if you’re not local — or you want deeper, more consistent support —
you can join my Basic Foundations coaching program. Click the button below for info.

It’s where we work together to:

• build nervous system safety
• understand your survival patterns
• and practice staying connected without losing yourself

In relationship.
In life.
And with you.

I’m really glad you’re here.
And I’m really glad you’re learning how to stay with yourself.

Remember, ❤️

You Matter. Your Healing Matters. You Are Worth It!

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