I read this on Nate Postlewait’s stubstack this week and have been thinking about it ever since: “Instead of telling someone how strong they are because of the traumatic events they went through… ask them what it cost them.” That statement resonated with me…. Because trauma costs people many things.And every person’s list is different. One of the things on my list…one things I know it cost me…was living in my body. Now, if you had looked at my life from the outside, it may not have seemed...
21 days ago • 3 min read
There are three phases of trauma healing that I often talk about in my work. Safety.Turning towards.And release Healing does not happen in a straight line… so these are not in order… In fact, I have found that these phases tend to weave in and out of each other over and over again. Recently, I’ve been thinking a lot about the turning towards phase. I’ve been reflecting on some of my own “turning toward” moments and noticing how naturally my system wants to resist, avoid, shut down, or feel...
27 days ago • 3 min read
There’s something I’ve been working through lately. While I’m grateful that so much of the intense trauma I once experienced has already moved through my system, I also know there was a whole identity and way of living created while I was disconnected from myself. A life built in survival.In coping.In protecting.In adapting. And doing healing work doesn’t magically erase all of that overnight. (Sigh...I want that sometimes....) There are still patterns to notice.Thoughts to untangle.Behaviors...
about 1 month ago • 2 min read
As we come to the end of April— a month that holds both Child Abuse Prevention and Sexual Assault Awareness— I want to offer you something to gently explore this week: What if your reactions… aren’t the problem? For so long, many of us have been taught that healing means not reacting, staying calm, being unbothered. And while that can be supportive and healing in some moments… there are also times when reacting is part of healing— when letting anger speak, and allowing yourself to be...
about 2 months ago • 2 min read
April holds a lot. It’s a month of awareness— for child abuse prevention, for sexual assault awareness, for experiences that so many people carry quietly in their bodies. And when we hear the word awareness, it’s easy to think… Learning more. Understanding more. Talking about it more. And all of that matters. And, I want to gently offer something deeper this week: Awareness isn’t just something that happens in the mind. It also lives in the body. I came across these words this week when...
about 2 months ago • 2 min read
What if healing is less about getting rid of parts of you… and more about helping all the part feel safe enough to work together? To integrate the helpful and dissolve what is no longer is. Lately, I’ve been thinking about the word alchemy. You might hear it used to describe a team that just works. Where different personalities, strengths, and perspectives come together and create something even better than anyone could have done alone. And I’ve been noticing that this kind of alchemy doesn’t...
2 months ago • 3 min read
April is Child Abuse Awareness Month. And there are a few things I’ve been thinking about… both personally and in the work I do with women every day. There are things survivors often hear that are meant to be helpful… but don’t actually feel helpful in the body. Things like: “You’re stronger now because of it.” “I bet your abusers were abused too.” “At least now you can help others.” Or even… “I thought you’d be over that by now.” Maybe you’ve heard some version of these. Maybe you’ve even...
2 months ago • 3 min read
Running a day behind....but wanted to still share this with you... I talk a lot about awareness in healing. Understanding your patterns. Noticing your triggers. Seeing where your reactions come from. Things begin to make sense...this work matters and is so helpful. It’s powerful to be able to say, “Oh… this is why I do this.” There’s relief in that kind of insight. But sometimes we stop there. And I want to offer that... Insight alone doesn’t rewire a nervous system. We can think new...
3 months ago • 3 min read
There’s a kind of exhaustion I see so often… And I’ve felt it too. The kind that doesn’t just come from doing too much— But from carrying something that was never yours to begin with. For a long time, I believed something was wrong with me. Why am I reacting like this? Why can’t I just handle this better? Why does this feel so big? And when the answers didn’t come… I filled in the blank with shame, Not only is something wrong with me, But I am “the something wrong’, Me….all of me… Maybe...
3 months ago • 3 min read