We hear it in so many places: “become the best version of yourself.”

I hear it a lot as a coach, in fact, it was one of the things that drew me to life coaching.
​And....(you know how I love to use the tool of ANDS)

And if you’re healing from trauma, that phrase can sometimes feel like pressure.​
Pressure to strive.
To fix.​
To push past, or shove down, the parts of you that feel broken or “too much.”

But here’s a truth I’ve learned again and again:

👉 Healing doesn’t demand that we become our best self.​
✨ Healing invites us to hold space for the version of us that’s still scared, triggered, or hurting—and to stay with ourselves so we are not alone. (And maybe find others to share with so we are physically not alone as well, I'm always here for that).

And back to us....Healing invites us to hold space for.....

The messy version.
The reactive, shut down, anxious, yelling, numb, ashamed, stuck-in-a-loop version.

That version is not a failure.
​ It’s our nervous system doing its best to protect us.​
​ It’s a signal—not of who we are—but of what we've carried.

And when she is met with safety…​
​ When she is witnessed without judgment…​
When she is offered compassion instead of control…

Something incredible begins to happen.​
She softens.
She exhales.
She starts to trust that she doesn’t have to fight so hard anymore.

That’s where the real transformation happens.
​ Not by forcing ourself to be someone new…
​ But by coming home to the version of us that’s been hurting the most.

And I have found that as we truly see that hurt part, the person we are becoming is way more amazing than the version we thought we wanted.

Because without us knowing it, the “better version of us” we thought we wanted, actually was only available if we kept abandoning those hurt parts of us.

And it’s actually so amazing that those hurt parts are strong enough to, not be sacrificed in this way (at least not for forever - we might abandon for a time, but the wounds and hurt keep calling to us).….

This is why we so often feel that we can’t quite reach the “best version of us” we keep striving for.

And so far we have thought we couldn’t get there because…."it just works for everyone but us", or "everyone else is just better than us", or we "just aren’t worthy or good enough"….(or some other reason similar to those).

But really, those hurt parts are just asking for us to see them.

To soften.
To return.
To remember that even our hardest moments are worthy of love.

As we turn towards ourselves with more kindness and less judgment, we become able to sit with the parts of us that feel the most unlovable—and we start to learn to love and even choose to love them anyway.

As we do this, we become less afraid of our broken, our dark, our not good enough, our mistakes, our trauma. And also less afraid of our goodness, our light, our joy, our hopes, our dreams. This version of us can sit with all of us.

So, if you’re ready to love all of you,
That’s where healing is.
That’s the work we can do, together. All. The. Parts. Of. Us.

Remember, ❤️

You Matter. Your Healing Matters. You Are Worth It!

​​​​

P.S. If this speaks to your heart, I invite you to reply and tell me (or share with someone else) what “the hurt version of you” needs to hear most right now. I’ll respond. I’m in this with you.

And using our voice in this way is a way to integrate the mindful compassion tool offered in this email.