Many women I work with don’t struggle because they’re too sensitive.

- Even if that's how others label it.....

They struggle because they’re actually too strong.

Strong at holding it together.
​Strong at pushing through discomfort.
​Strong at staying alert, capable, and (mostly or somewhat) on top of things — even when their body is exhausted.
​Strong at feeling intense emotion and relentless thoughts internally, while still showing up as “fine” on the outside.

That kind of strength often comes from a nervous system trained by hypervigilance.

And for some nervous systems, strength looks quieter:

Strong at shutting down to keep going.
Strong at numbing feelings so life feels manageable.
Strong at disappearing internally while still meeting expectations.
Strong at surviving by not needing too much.

And this kind of strength often comes from a nervous system trained by shut down, freeze and collapse.

All of these patterns come from nervous systems trained to protect.

To be STRONG for them and everyone else.

And yes, this strength did protect but as we heal, we don't need this type of strong anymore.

Because.....here’s the paradox:

What finally helps these systems come out of trauma isn’t more doing the Strong At Things —

It’s softness.

Not softness as collapse or giving up.
​Not softness as doing it someone else's way or for them.

Softness as regulation.

But what does softness and regulation even mean?

For a trauma-trained nervous system, softness that offers regulation….​
​Is a physical signal.

Softness might look like:

• letting the breath drop lower in the body
• unclenching the jaw or softening the eyes
• allowing the shoulders to fall instead of holding them up
• reducing the internal pressure to perform, explain, or get it right

Softness is the body receiving the message:
​I don’t have to brace right now.

When the body has spent years braced — jaw tight, breath shallow, shoulders lifted, attention scanning — the most regulating signal we can offer is gentleness. Slower. Warmer. Less force. Letting ourselves move into activation and back home to rest.

Softness tells the nervous system:
​I don’t have to prove anything right now.

One client reflected after a session, simply:
​“I softened in my body… and I felt safe.”

That wasn’t a mindset shift.
That was a physiological, within the body, shift.

Softness allows the survival system to stand down because it finally senses enough safety to do so.

One of my favorite ways to support this shift is through healing sound.

If it feels okay, I invite you to try this:

• Inhale naturally
• Exhale with a low “voo” or gentle “hmm”
• Let the sound be quiet, slow, and unperformed
• Notice what your chest, throat, or belly does
• Lastly do you want to add a gently sway or put a hand on your face, chest, or belly?

These sounds stimulate the vagus nerve and support the body’s return toward connection and presence — without needing to relive or explain anything.

This is the kind of nervous-system language we practice in my coaching sessions — learning how to create safety from the inside so strength no longer requires tension.

In January my social feed is filled with ways to prep for the new year and many of those cause my nervous system to go back into bracing patterns.

I keep returning to this perspective that offers my body space to pause, amid the brace. It’s from Cory Muscara:

“What if, instead of forcing yourself to reach a goal, you committed to staying deeply connected to yourself, regardless of how this year unfolds?”

When I first read that, I felt a reminder of times when I have done that over the last year and felt a yearning for more of that in 2026 AND…a part of me also let me know it believed, “I can do that in “these” areas of my life (and gave me a list) but not in “this” area of my life.

Interesting, huh? How about you, What came up for you when you read Cory’s invite?

This kind of commitment - to stay deeply connected to self (not all the time because we are human), but coming back to connecting with ourself regardless of how things unfold - takes courage.

Because softness isn’t weakness.
​Softness is strength that no longer needs armor.

If your body is ready to experience that kind of strength...

While setting down or slowly taking off parts of the armor….

To not have to be "there" 100% yet….

To let there be “ANDS”, that bridge the gap and let 2 things be true while you heal….

I invite you to let this wonderful, messy healing space welcome you in.....All. Of. You. In.

Happy New Year friend. We are on this healing journey together.

Remember, ❤️

You Matter. Your Healing Matters. You Are Worth It!

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P.S. If you want to learn more about my coaching sessions, you can check it out here.