There are three phases of trauma healing that I often talk about in my work.

Safety.
Turning towards.
And release

Healing does not happen in a straight line… so these are not in order…

In fact, I have found that these phases tend to weave in and out of each other over and over again.

Recently, I’ve been thinking a lot about the turning towards phase.

I’ve been reflecting on some of my own “turning toward” moments and noticing how naturally my system wants to resist, avoid, shut down, or feel vulnerable, shameful or protective around my own difficult things.

So, I thought I’d share some things I have been reminding myself about this phase and what it means in my own healing.

I am continually building safety in my body…​
As my own safety grows - and as my clients experience more safety in their system as well - there comes this moment where we gently check in and ask:

“Does it feel safe enough to turn towards something difficult?”

Not force ourselves.
​Not overwhelm ourselves.
​Not flood the nervous system.

Just…​
does it feel safe enough for even a tiny bit of turning towards?

Maybe that looks like noticing anxiety instead of immediately distracting from it.​
​Maybe it’s having a difficult conversation.​
​Maybe it’s letting yourself admit that something hurt.​
​Maybe it’s naming a trauma trigger out loud.​
​Maybe it’s allowing yourself to acknowledge:
“This feels hard.”

And honestly…
​even talking about this can feel vulnerable in the body.

Sometimes just hearing the words “turn towards” can create tightening, resistance, fear, shutdown, or the urge to avoid altogether.

And that makes sense.

Because trauma coping patterns are often built around protection.​
​Around helping us not feel, not face, not remember, not risk.

So of course turning towards difficult things can feel foreign.​
Of course it can feel uncomfortable.​
Of course parts of us want to pull away.

That doesn’t mean you’re doing healing wrong.

It means your body has been trying to protect you.

And this is where there is an invitation for compassion...

Because turning towards something difficult is not about forcing yourself into overwhelm (or whatever coping your body offers you).

Sometimes the most healing thing we can do is listen - when the body, heart or mind says:
“This feels like too much right now.”​
And then we get to check in with things like:

• How close are we to the difficulty? Do we need to move a little bit away, a “lot bit” away, or return to safety?
• Do I need to tap into breathe and help me sit with this or let my breathe lead me in how close I stay or move away from this?
• Do I need to let my body move and help me flow through this difficulty or flow to the side of it or flow around it some other way?
• Is this even mine or am I taking on something that is not mine?

And if at anytime the answer is - back to safety - we can:

• Ground
• Orient
• Breathe
• Move
• Rest
• Ask for support
• Build a little more capacity

If the answer is release, some ideas could be:

• Shaking, stomping, swaying, stretching, or curling inward.
• Pressing your hands against something or feeling your feet supported by the ground.
• Letting out a sigh, hum, “voo,” or long exhale.
• Orienting around the room and reminding your nervous system that this moment is not the past.
• Using tapping, self touch, or holding your body with compassion.
• Letting your breath guide you — opening the inhale for energy or lengthening the exhale for settling.
• Staying present long enough for your body to complete one tiny moment of what it couldn’t complete before.

I invite you to try whatever resonates with you. It may be that your body is ready for that particular phase.

And whatever phase you find yourself in, I want to remind you that these phases simply help us understand what kinds of tools and support might feel most helpful next.

None of this healing work is about pushing past your limits.
​Or proving how healed you are.

You don’t need tools because you’re broken.​
​Or failing.​
​Or because something is wrong with you.

You deserve support because having more capacity creates more choice.

And when trauma takes over completely, there often isn’t choice.​
Then the body moves automatically into survival responses and coping patterns.

So this work isn’t about becoming a perfect person who never gets triggered.

It’s about slowly creating enough safety and enough capacity that you have more moments where choice becomes possible.

More moments where you can stay connected to yourself.
More moments where you can pause.
More moments where you can respond instead of only react.
More moments where life doesn’t feel fully run by survival.

And I think that deserves so much gentleness.

Because turning towards difficult things is difficult.

And even considering it…
is already an act of courage.

Remember, ❤️

You Matter. Your Healing Matters. You Are Worth It!

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P.S. If this is the kind of work you’re wanting support with — learning how to gently build safety in your body, increase capacity, and move through difficult moments with more choice and compassion — this is the heart of the work I do inside my sessions and classes.

Reach out for a free chat