I read this on Nate Postlewait’s stubstack this week and have been thinking about it ever since:

“Instead of telling someone how strong they are because of the traumatic events they went through… ask them what it cost them.”

That statement resonated with me….

Because trauma costs people many things.
And every person’s list is different.

One of the things on my list…one things I know it cost me…​
​was living in my body.

Now, if you had looked at my life from the outside, it may not have seemed that way.

I had a strong body.
I hiked.
Ran.
Biked.
Backpacked.
Did yoga.
​Moved through the world in ways that looked embodied.

But looking back, I can see that much of the time…
I was dissociated.

I didn’t really feel my body.

And I had good reasons to live this way.

There were parts of me that believed my body had betrayed me in abusive situations.​
​Parts of me that didn’t feel safe being fully present inside myself.​
And because I didn’t have trauma understanding or body-based tools yet…
​I coped by leaving.

Physically.
And internally.

I disconnected from sensation.​
From emotion.​
From needs.​
From parts of myself that felt too overwhelming, too vulnerable, too unsafe to stay with.

At the time, I thought that meant I was strong.

I wasn’t very emotional.
I could push through.
I could keep functioning.
Keep performing.
Keep showing up.

Many of my clients have shared similar experiences.

Others experienced the opposite.

They were told they were too emotional.
Too angry.
Too sensitive.
Too confrontational.

And Others experienced a combo of the two.

Shut down and Too emotional.

And underneath all that, many of them also....were NOT fully living in their bodies either.

And they did what they could to be...Fine....

Makes sense.

Because when your emotions are criticized…​
​when your truth feels unsafe…​
​when taking up space creates consequences…​
​the body learns coping patterns to survive.

Sometimes those coping patterns look like shutting down.​
Sometimes they look like over-performing.​
​People pleasing.
Numbing.
Exploding.
Dissociating.
Controlling.
Caretaking.
Avoiding.

And soo much more…what would you add to that list?

Mine is not comprehensive, just a list to get you started on what coping patterns you used or still use to NOT live in your body.

Often, we can be speaking, moving, achieving, helping, parenting, working, exercising, and functioning in ways that appear connected…

while physically and internally being very far away from ourselves.

We do these things….Not because we’re broken.
But because leaving the body once felt safer than staying.

And honestly…
​That realization changed and continues to change so much for me.

Because healing stopped becoming:
“How do I fix myself?”

And slowly became:
“How do I help my body feel safe enough to come home?”

Not forced.
Not rushed.
Not demanded.

But gently.
Over time.
With tools.
With understanding.​
With compassion for why the body learned to leave in the first place.

And I think that’s one of the most beautiful parts of healing.

Learning that living in your body can become a safe place.

Maybe for the first time.
Or maybe once again.

So this week, I want to gently invite you to reflect on this question:

What did surviving cost you?

Not to stay stuck in grief or pain.
​But to honor what your nervous system had to do to protect you.

And maybe also to notice…

Are there places where you still leave yourself to feel safe?

And if so…
what might help your body feel just a little safer to stay?

Maybe it’s breath.
Maybe it’s movement.
Maybe it’s slowing down enough to notice sensation.
Maybe it’s placing a hand on your chest or legs and simply saying:
“I’m here now.”

Can you offer yourself a moment of....No judgment.
No shame.
Just presence and a moment of Living In Your Body.

Because healing is not only about processing trauma.

Sometimes it’s about slowly learning how to live inside yourself.

With compassion and I see you energy,

Along with a reminder that, ❤️

You Matter. Your Healing Matters. You Are Worth It!

​​​​

P.S. If this resonates with you, I’d love to support you.

My classes and coaching are centered around helping people gently reconnect with the body through somatic tools, nervous system understanding, breathwork, and embodied healing practices.

You don’t have to force your way back into yourself. You can learn to help the body feel safe enough to come home.

Click the Button and we can have a chat about what working together looks like.

This button also takes you to my page with my group and other 1:1 offerings.