April is Child Abuse Awareness Month.

And there are a few things I’ve been thinking about…
both personally and in the work I do with women every day.

There are things survivors often hear that are meant to be helpful…
but don’t actually feel helpful in the body.

Things like:​
​ “You’re stronger now because of it.”
“I bet your abusers were abused too.”
“At least now you can help others.”

Or even…​
“I thought you’d be over that by now.”

Maybe you’ve heard some version of these.
Maybe you’ve even said them to yourself.

And if you have… I want to gently say:

Those aren’t supportive reframes.
They’re often a form of what can be called toxic positivity.

Not because people—or even ourselves—are trying to harm—
but because these responses skip over something essential.

They skip over the impact.​
The loss.​
The confusion.​
The cost your body has carried.

There’s a quote by Nate Postlethwait that I personally, come back to often:

“What survivors hear:​
‘You’re stronger now because of the abuse.’
‘I bet your abusers were abused too.’
‘Now you can help others who were abused.’

What they need to hear:​
‘That was not supposed to happen to you.
Are you okay?’”

Can you feel the difference in your body between those two?

I can....

One tries to move us forward too quickly, based on what others think our healing should look like… rather than what our body is actually ready for.

The other invites you (and me), to check in with ourselves, reminds us that we matter, and offers that there are others who want to meet us right where we are.

And there’s another line of his that I hold onto:

“What do you mean they should be over that by now,​
when no one has helped them?
When it lived in their body for years before someone told them it was trauma?
When they tried to talk about it, and the people involved blamed them for speaking up?
Which part should they be over by now?”

If that lands for you… you’re not crazy.

Your body isn’t “behind.”
It’s not failing to move on.

It’s holding what never had space to be held.

And this is where I want to gently bring in something we’ve been talking about lately…

The difference between insight…
and integration.

When someone says,
“You should be over that by now,”
they’re speaking from their mind, not yours—​
​ offering a thought you don’t have to take in or make your truth.​
And it’s important to remember…
trauma doesn’t just live in your thoughts.
And it doesn’t live in others’ perception of you.

It lives in your nervous system.
In sensations.
In patterns of protection that once made sense.

So when the body hears something like:
“Just focus on the positive,”
or
“At least something good came from it…”

…it doesn’t feel relief.

It often feels unseen.
Rushed.
or even more alone.

This is why trauma-informed care sounds different.

It might sound like:

“That should not have happened to you.”
“I believe you.”
“Are you okay?”
“We can go at your pace.”

These aren’t just kind words.

They are regulating experiences for the nervous system.

They tell the body:​
​ You don’t have to rush.
​ You don’t have to bypass.
You don’t have to prove your healing.

You can be here.

And from that place…
integration can take place.

A gentle invitation for today:

If any of this stirred something in you,
you might try placing a hand on your heart or your belly
and asking:

“What part of me is holding this?”

No need to fix it.
No need to rush it.

Just notice.

And if it feels okay, you might offer yourself something like:

“That should not have happened to you.”
“I’m here with you.”
“We can go at your pace.”

Even a few breaths here…
can begin to shift something.

If this is something you’re wanting to explore more deeply…
to understand how your body holds these patterns, and how to support it in feeling safe enough to shift—

I’d love to invite you to join me for my Somatic and Vagal Workshop this Monday.

We’ll gently explore how your body holds onto patterns even after your mind understands,
and how to support true integration through breath, awareness, and somatic practices.

If you live nearby, you’re so welcome there.

You don’t have to be “over it”​
to be moving forward.

And you don’t have to do it alone.

If you want support in learning how to listen to your body,
to move through triggers without feeling taken over,
and to build a sense of safety from the inside out…

I’m here.

You can always reach out for a free 30-minute chat with me,​
or come join us in a class or group space.

At your pace.
In your way.

Remember, ❤️

You Matter. Your Healing Matters. You Are Worth It!

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