Have you ever found yourself pulling away from everyone, needing someone by your side at all times, or feeling misunderstood and alone surrounded by people?

Maybe you’ve canceled plans (again) and felt relief and shame…​
Or you’ve stayed on the phone too long or gone to another event you didn’t want to attend, just so you wouldn’t feel that anxious aloneness. Or…just so you wouldn’t let someone down or be seen in an unfavorable way.

All of these patterns—isolation, constant connection, needing to please others—can be trauma responses.

When you’ve lived through overwhelming experiences without enough support, your nervous system learns to keep you safe by swinging between two extremes or by adding a hybrid between the extremes:

• “No one is safe. Be alone. Protect yourself.”
• “Alone isn’t safe. Stay close. Make them stay.”
• “Being myself isn’t safe. Notice who they want me to be. Do that.”

This isn’t about personality—it’s your body remembering.​
It’s CPTSD, or other trauma coping trying to protect you the only way it knows how.

But here’s the good news: you don’t have to stay stuck in those patterns.
Your body can learn that it’s safe to be with yourself, and also safe to be in connection—without losing yourself.

Wherever you are on the connection spectrum to yourself and others, I invite you to find a tool that resonates. Take a look at these, try 1 or 2 out and see what happens…

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🌬 Breathwork Tool: "Inhale & Ground"
​ Try this grounding breath when you feel panicked being alone or overwhelmed around others:
Inhale through the nose for 4
​ Hold for 2
​ Exhale through the mouth for 6 (with a soft sigh)
​ Repeat for 2-3 minutes, letting your exhale lengthen slightly each round. This tells your body it’s safe to slow down.

(You can also switch this up by letting the inhale be longer and the exhale shorter - depending on where your nervous system is, longer inhales, instead of longer exhales might be what signals safety).

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👂 Vagus Nerve Tool: "Ear Pull & Hum"
Gently tug the tops of your ears outward while humming a low tone (you can also vary the tone, high, medium, do a full range on one breath or multiple breaths). This stimulates the vagus nerve, helping shift from fight/flight/freeze/fawn into regulation. Try humming “mmm” or “oooh” for a full breath out. Do it alone or quietly in a crowd—it’s subtle, but powerful.

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🧍‍♀️ Somatic Tool: "Push the Wall"
​ Stand near a wall, place both palms flat, and gently push as if you could move it. Notice the sensation in your arms and feet.
This helps release bound energy and creates internal boundaries—especially helpful if being around people feels too much.

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🌀 Chakra Tool: "Heart + Solar Plexus Spiral"
Place one hand over your heart and one over your solar plexus (just below the sternum). Imagine a golden-green light spiraling between them, connecting your center of love and your center of power.
Breathe into that space for a few moments, letting your body know: It’s safe to be with me. It’s safe to choose connection. (Connection to me or someone of my choosing).

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If you find relationships hard and want to withdraw…

If you long for connection and fear it at the same time…

If you want to let go of the constant scan for who to be and yet don’t know how or who to be you….

There’s nothing broken about you.

Your body is wise.
It’s been protecting you.
And now, it’s ready to learn new ways to safely connect to yourself and others—you can do this friend.

Remember, ❤️

You Matter. Your Healing Matters. You Are Worth It!

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P.S. If this resonates, you’re not alone. I share tools like these in my classes and coaching. You can join a class or book a free call to explore what support could look like for you.