Today I’d like to talk about the power of support when it comes to finding your voice.

I was recently in a group where I wanted to share but chose not to and as a group we arranged for a later date for me to share my experiences and my story.

This felt amazing and I knew this supportive group wanted to see me and give me the space to see myself in a different light.

My body and mind felt alive with energy and so many emotions around being seen and thoughts about what I would share…..

And then, shortly after, I had a very familiar feeling of fear and dread, accompanied by a variety of thoughts that sneakily crept in…

They started with a subtle, “This feels off and a little like coddling….”

I respond back to myself with, “I don’t think that is what this is…but maybe.”

The thoughts were quiet for a while…

Then the next day, the thoughts came strong and forceful….

“Why are you letting them coddle you?”

“How dare you let them do that!”

“Don’t let them make you think you matter or have anything to share.”

“That just opens you up to being crushed again.”

Anyone else have thoughts that go like this?

When they come, do you think you are going into crazy land?

Does it feel so true and you believe it completely?

Can you see any roots that might stem from a past story or narrative?

Is that story rooted in trauma?

Do you see it as a story or narrative that wants to share something with you?

These are questions that I have found so powerful to ask myself and gain awareness around.

It’s powerful because without the awareness, I keep doing the behaviors that “protect me from being crushed”.

For me, those include, shutting down and withdrawing which is me going into a freeze survival state….

Or, if I can’t completely freeze, I go into a fawn state, which looks like people pleasing, being agreeable, never offering my opinion or even letting myself actually have my own opinion, but instead asking what others think so I can just agree with them.

What behaviors do you find yourself doing when your brain wants to feed you a narrative such as this?

If any of this is familiar, there might be a story, that could be related to your trauma, seeking to come up and give you info to heal with.

Trauma stories will continue to come up until we give them light, gain awareness, notice what behaviors we do because of the stories and learn tools to change the stories and change the behaviors.

So how to change it.....

Once I let myself explore this line of thinking......I realized it was from my complex trauma.

The experiences that I couldn't really remember and yet somehow did remember......the ones that silenced me and invalidated me and my existence. The years that I felt so fragmented and split apart from any sense of self, which made it difficult for me to formulate words or thoughts. The functioning from different trauma states in my body which made voicing anything seem unattainable and impossible. The choosing to become invisible because I had a deep seated fear of rejection if I dared to show any part of the real me.

And the mind blowing thing about complex trauma is that most of what I just share, is just a feeling, I don’t have many actual memories just a knowing that it was my experience.

So back to finding my voice and support in doing so, I find my voice and support in 2 ways….

These are ways I have learned to harness energy from a supportive group and produce some powerful and amazing healing results.

1- Once I understand my story, I can share it with someone I can trust and they will listen and let me voice it, no matter how incoherent or messy it may be. Just having someone to listen, opens a door to expansion.

2- Sometimes, I’m too afraid to figure out the story on my own and I need one-on-one or group support. They give me this support by asking me questions I might not consider or ask on my own….And they give me insights they noticed during my sharing, which then gives me space to see if what they shared resonates or rings true.

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​Letting a group support me in sharing my story through voice, is powerful because I’m not doing my freeze or fawn survival states here.

It takes time to figure out what your safe space looks like. And if it's right for you, you will figure it out.

Because finding support is a powerful way to heal a lost voice due to trauma.

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So, after what I shared.....What does your body, mind and heart tell you?

What type of support do you want or need?

Trust yourself. Your body knows how to help you heal.​
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And please reach out if you'd like help from me. I'd be honored.

Remember, ❤️

You Matter. Your Healing Matters. You Are Worth It!