I've been thinking about the power of AND lately.

The idea that two things that seem to contradict each other can actually both be true.

And how helpful it can be, especially as we're healing from trauma, to allow ourselves to explore both perspectives instead of feeling like we have to choose one or the other.

I want to invite you to try some AND perspectives with me today.

And before I share these two perspectives, I'd love for you to take a moment to ground yourself and check in with your body.

Let's start with a pause….

And a look around the room.

What do your eyes notice?

As you inhale and exhale, can you notice how your eyes feel looking at what you're seeing? How does the rest of your body feel as you look at this?

Then, see if you can sink a little deeper into your body.

Notice your feet planted on the ground, or wherever your body is touching the floor or chair.

If you're seated or standing, you can gently rock back and forth on your sit bones or your feet.

Notice how your feet and/or your sit bones feel being noticed.

Now, give yourself three breaths.

Notice your inhale and your exhale.

And now….

As you read these next two perspectives, I invite you to let your body also be awake while your brain takes in the information.

See if you can notice what your brain tells you AND what your body tells you.

Not to figure out which perspective is right or wrong, but to get curious about what comes up for you.

Perspective One: Our bodies keep the story.

I was reading an article by Ailey Jolie on Substack, where she talks about how much of the foundational trauma research was built around men's experiences and how women's experiences haven't always been fully understood or represented.

She offers this distinction:

"Score asks: What broke you?

Story asks: What were you shaped to hold?"

Sometimes trauma isn't something we can pinpoint to a specific event. Sometimes it's the way we were shaped growing up, the expectations we learned to live with, and the ways we slowly abandoned ourselves without realizing it.

(You can read Ailey Jolie's full article here).

Perspective Two: The body keeps the score.

The work of van der Kolk, Levine, and Porges has helped us understand so much about trauma and the nervous system.

From this perspective, the foundational ways our nervous systems respond to trauma are shared by men, women, combat veterans, and fleeing mammals because the body remembers things our conscious brain sometimes cannot.

I want to honor that both of these perspectives are very short and just a few words....And, what happens when you hold both perspectives?

What does your brain tell you? What does your body tell you?

And is there room for both to be true?

There is no right or wrong here....

For me - it is helpful to have both be true.

I have trauma moments where I can specifically remember what happened. What I was "not able to do" or what I "wish I could have done and didn't."

And the tools that come from the work of van der Kolk, Levine, and Porges have been incredibly helpful for me in those moments.

AND...

There are the ingrained moments that I as a woman specifically have and Ailey speaks to those.

The trauma I can't pinpoint. The things that feel more complex, generational, and like the "water I swam in growing up."

And sometimes those things are piled onto, or intertwined with, the trauma I can remember.

For those experiences, I find it so helpful to name what I'm noticing and get curious about whether I need to adapt the tools I already have.

Perhaps I need a different tool. Perhaps I need an adapted tool.

But being able to see that helps me not go down the rabbit hole of thinking:

"These tools work for everyone but me."

For me - both perspectives have something valuable to offer. And I don't have to choose just one or the other but can choose which one to use at a given time or which one to adapt. This ‘both’ experience is so powerful for me as I continue to heal.

So here's my invitation to you this week:

I invite you to pause and once again check in with yourself.

What does your brain tell you about these two perspectives? What does your body tell you?

Can both be true for you?

Or just one of them?

Is it helpful to give yourself permission to explore both? Or just one? Where do you need to most be seen right now?

You don't have to come up with an answer today. I am inviting you to get curious about your own wisdom, what feels true for you, and notice how that feels in your body.

Because learning to live in our bodies isn't someone else telling us what our experience should be.

It can be us learning to listen to what our body AND our mind have to offer.

Both can be true now, true later, and we can still need to focus on just one for a bit too.

You got this.

Remember, ❤️

You Matter. Your Healing Matters. You Are Worth It!

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P.S. I'd love to hear what 'ands'/'both' feel like for you. If it feels helpful, hit reply and let me know.